8 02 2008

Tornadoes have killed at least 11 people in the southern United States, astonishing local people who chose to live in a region world famous for tornado activity.

The US Storm Prediction Center (SPC) had earlier issued a rare “major severe weather outbreak” warning for the eastern third of the US.

“What we were saying is if you were idiot enough to live there in the first place, then get the hell out,” said SRC spokesperson Lily Evageline.


Over 60 people died and hundreds were injured as an estimated 80 twisters hit Tennessee, Arkansas, Kentucky, Alabama and Mississippi.

One storm wrecked a school building in Alabama, killing at least five people. Headmaster Jim Martin remained adamant that allowing the school to open was the right thing to do.

“You say the word ‘tornado’ to a man, they think of 1996 movie Twister. You think of Twister, you think of the flying cow scene.”

“Now I am firm in my belief that flying cows do not pose an immediate threat to a man. That’s why I left the school open, despite the TV and radio screaming we were all going to die.”

Across the Southern states, stories of personal loss and tragedy were juxtaposed by the base stupidity of Americans deliberately living in the path of natural disaster.

“When we moved here three years ago, local people told us it might get a mite windy,” chuckled retired farmer Rusty Shepperton, still cradling in his arms the cold body of wife Betty, killed yesterday morning by a fallen telegraph pole.

President George W Bush has offered federal help to the states of Alabama and Missouri, but pointed out that those who choose to put themselves in harm’s way are “not necessarily worthy of government aid.”

“Throw as much money at the situation as you like, ” commented Bush, “you can’t cure stupid.”




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