MIDDLE EAST CRISIS TO BE SETTLED BY POPULAR BOARD GAME

27 09 2007

US secretary of state Condoleezza Rice has urged Israel and Lebanon to resolve the escalating crisis, by playing a game of Risk.

On Monday she will meet Lebanese Prime Minister Fuad Siniora and Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, as the US tries to assist the two sides in bringing an end to violence in the region.

In an emergency meeting of the UN Security Council tonight, Ms Rice said: “Our intention is to resolve this situation and avoid further bloodshed, by substituting it for virtual bloodshed.”

“Although this will mean a catostrophic loss of imaginary lives – we estimate upwards of several million make-believe dead in the first hour alone – it is a price worth paying at this time,” added Rice.

This is not the first time warring factions have looked to board games to avert further loss of life. In 1982, the British government swiftly ended the Falklands war in the South West Atlantic by resorting to a game of Battleships, manufactured by MB Games.

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Meanwhile, US President George Bush rejected criticism that his methods for solving such deeply rooted hostility were “simplistic in the extreme”.

“The strategy involved is mind blowing,” countered Bush.

“I’d like to see them seize control of Australia or South America first. Trying to establish a foothold in Asia is near impossible with so many borders to defend.”

Bush also urged Israel and Lebanon to cease hostilities immediately and avoid further civilian casualties.

“War is always the last resort, never the first,” Bush told the UN Security Council.

“Unless we start it.”

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