CAT PLANNING SOMETHING OR ANOTHER, SAYS OWNER

31 08 2007

A Nottingham woman yesterday accused a cat of plotting against her.

Sheena Rimmer, 52 from Plumtree believes that Mister Nibbles, a nine year old domestic shorthair, is biding his time before putting into motion a sequence of catastrophic and devastating events which will result in her violent and bloody death.

“To the layman Mister Nibbles appears to be a good natured cat who sleeps a lot and vacantly stares into the middle distance,” explained Mrs Rimmer, “but then I catch him glowering at me as if he wished me dead.”

“And all that time spent sleeping, well it’s not natural is it? He’s up to something, that’s for sure.”

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Local RSPCA Office Alan Tench disagrees, and believes Mister Nibbles is being mistreated by his owner.

“There’s no sign of any threat,” insisted Tench.

“There is no good reason for any cat to be treated in this manner. We are concerned that Mister Nibbles is being victimised. It is not as though he has brought this on himself.”

“While it’s true most cats are viciously evil, they’re also bone idle; that and their lack of opposable thumbs makes pre-meditated murder unlikely.”

Mrs Rimmer remains unconvinced, and despite having no evidence to support her theory, she believes the feline to have dark intentions.

“I don’t know what else to say, I just know Mister Nibbles is evil. And not in a good way.”

“It’s the eyes. They say die woman, die.”

“Die.”

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