A newlywed believes her husband of just two months to be actively masturbating, it was reported yesterday.
Stephanie Simpson, 27, of Matlock, is convinced 31 year old Martin Simpson has pleasured himself at least twice in the last week.
Mrs Simpson’s became suspicious of her husband’s extra-marital activities just three weeks into the marriage.
“I was waiting for the bathroom and could hear grunting and a sort of moist, rapid squeaking sound. When I called out, Martin said he was washing the windows yet when I checked later, the windows were still dirty.”
Four days later, Mrs Simpson was awoken during the night by her husband’s shallow breathing and a gentle rocking motion.
“I asked him about it at breakfast,” said the part-time receptionist, “and he put it down to a bad dream about a lion.”
The discovery of an unwashed beige sock in Mr Simpson’s underwear drawer, finally led his wife to believe her partner to be actively self-loving whilst married.
“We have a reasonably healthly sex life – maybe once or twice a week – and only last week I performed oral sex on him during Deal Or No Deal,” explained Mrs Simpson, fighting back the tears, “so why would he even consider doing that sort of thing?”
“They stop all that as soon as you start dating, don’t they?”
